This might be a really crappy post because I am trying to listen to my mother talking while also doing what I said I would do today. Which is… Write a happy post!
I was going through my posts and realized how freaking depressing they are. As a group. Some of them just are. They are neither sad nor happy nor anything else in particular. But then lump them all together and I am running around like a madwoman trying to figure out how to make myself a not so miserable person.
Until I realize that I’m not quite a miserable person. My life can be fairly miserable and I certainly have days where I want to curl up in a ball and stop existing, but there’s a lot of good in it. I have time to read books and to wander through woods and I have a roof over my head and a job and thus some form of income. I have clothes and paint and ways to play music.
And what most days is the most important thing, I have amazing friends. Sometimes I miss the heck out of my old group of friends and, gods, do I wish some of them were still in my life because there are moments that don’t feel entirely complete without them, but I adore the friends I have now. I love wandering in the woods with them. I love the honesty and truth in each of them and how open and real they are. I love cracking them open and having them crack me open in return. I love that I have found a group of people that I know I can trust with pieces of myself. I love knowing that I can call some of them up crying and it’s okay, they don’t care (Or, they do care, they care so much, but not in a negative way). Heck, they might even call me up first. And have, on multiple occasions. I love the nights that I can’t fall asleep because I spent time being alive with these wonderful people and the happiness I feel at being able to have them in my life is buzzing through me.
Recently, I have been so grateful for them. For every single one of them, from the friend (ish) person I have known since I was 12 to the friend (ish, in another way) person at work who I can sit and talk about guys with.
So that’s some happy. And I could go on, about friends and about other good things in my life, happy things, and I am sure I will at another point in time (actually, I know I will, mwahaha), but it is late and I have things to do in the morning and I really want to post this while it is still Monday somewhere (still living in New York is good for one thing, at least), even if it is a messy post and it isn’t even attempting to be written eloquently or to impress anyone. But, that’s what happy things are sometimes. They are blunt and a bit jagged, but in a good way. They don’t have everything smoothed down to perfection. They are moments of honesty rushing up and taking shape without being forced into a specific one.
And I am fortunate to have a lot of those moments, even if sometimes the other moments outnumber them by a ton. But the wonderful thing is that one of those moments, of happiness, outweighs a handful of the not so great moments.
I hope that, whoever you are reading this, you are surrounded by a group of people who care, who will prove all your doubts wrong, who will wander through woods, both real and metaphorical, and you will know the happiness that a good group of friends gives. And I hope you find happiness in the little things, that you brush your soul against the facts and find peace in the details.
~Kiartha Qwon’um
Autumn Unleashed 